Singled Out

January 24, 2025

1 Minute Excerpt from Sunday's Message


Message Listening Guide

The Truth: For many singles, being in the church feels like being ‘worlds apart.’ They can feel underrepresented, overlooked, or even like second-class citizens in a family that often seems designed for couples and families.

Myths & Misconceptions about Singleness and Marriage

Myth #1: Singleness is strange.
Scripture: According to Paul (1 Cor. 7:7-9, 32-35), not only is singleness normal, but singleness provides ministry opportunities that married people cannot take advantage of.
Truth: Singleness is a season with unique opportunities.
Application: Embrace singleness as a season of purpose, not a season to simply endure.

Myth #2: Singleness means loneliness.
Scripture: Galatians 3:26-28 reminds us that we are all one in Christ Jesus, and the family of faith is a true family.
Truth: Singleness can be painful, but friendship and community are for all of us.
Application: Seek meaningful relationships within the church. Work to build a community marked by depth, accountability, and love.

Myth #3: If you don’t want to be single, focus on your future spouse.
Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 4:3 reveals that God’s ultimate desire for all of us—single or married—is our sanctification (Christlikeness).
Truth: Whether single or married, a Christian’s primary focus should be on becoming more like Jesus.
Application: Prioritize your relationship with Jesus. Commit to the spiritual disciplines that allow the Spirit to transform your character.

The Point: In the journey of the Christian life, marriage is not the ultimate destination—Christlikeness is.


Q. & A.

Why do many single individuals in church feel unsupported and like they don't belong? 

A significant number of single individuals within church settings—around 65% according to a survey cited—report feeling unsupported by their church community. This can stem from the church not fully reflecting the wider population's diversity (less than a quarter of active churchgoers are single, unlike the general population), leading to a sense of not fitting in, even if they are active in the community. Additionally, many church cultures are very couple-centric which can make single individuals feel like they are second-class citizens or that they are missing something.

Is singleness viewed as abnormal or undesirable within a church context? 

Yes, there can be a misconception that singleness is strange, and that the ideal or "normal" life path involves being married, especially because many church leaders are married. This can result in singles feeling overlooked or undervalued. However, the Bible, particularly 1 Corinthians 7, presents singleness as a valid, even advantageous, life season with unique opportunities for ministry and devotion to God, with biblical examples such as Jesus and the Apostle Paul who were single. It's essential for churches to recognize that singleness is not a state to be "fixed," but a normal part of the human experience.

What are some of the unique opportunities that singleness can offer? 

Singleness can provide a unique space for devoted ministry, service, and cultivating a deeper relationship with God due to fewer earthly responsibilities that come with marriage and family. Single individuals often have more flexibility in their schedule which allows them to engage in activities, like short term mission trips, that are less accessible to those who are married. Furthermore, they might have more time to invest in personal spiritual growth and service to the church. Rather than focusing on what they may lack, single people are encouraged to focus on and make the most of the opportunities that are available to them.

Does being single mean one must also be lonely? 

No, while singleness can be challenging and include feelings of loneliness, it does not have to equate to loneliness. God created people for intimate relationships, and although marriage is often presented as an answer to loneliness, it is not the only way to experience community and genuine connection. Christian friendship and community are intended for everyone, regardless of their marital status. Churches should provide opportunities for connection and encourage deeper, more honest relationships amongst its members, both single and married. This can be done through small groups, open communication, and including single people in all aspects of church life.

How can the church better support single individuals and foster a sense of belonging? 

The church can foster a sense of belonging by intentionally including and involving single individuals in its life. This means challenging assumptions that everyone is or should be seeking marriage, avoiding leading questions about marital status, and inviting singles to gatherings, parties, and other activities alongside couples. It also requires building a church culture where singles feel comfortable being vulnerable, open, and honest about their life and experiences. Singles in the church should feel like a valued part of the family and be able to invite themselves over and engage without feeling as though they are an imposition.

What is the main purpose or goal for a Christian's life, whether single or married? 

The primary goal for all Christians, regardless of their marital status, is becoming more like Jesus (sanctification) and deepening their relationship with God. Marriage is not the ultimate destination, but rather christlikeness is. This means focusing on spiritual growth, partnering with the Holy Spirit, and engaging in spiritual disciplines like prayer, fasting, reading scripture, and community. Putting God first and focusing on christlikeness allows people to discern and walk in God’s will, leading to transformation from the inside out.

Why should one not focus on finding a spouse as their primary goal if they are single? 

Focusing primarily on finding a spouse can lead to disappointment and can cause people to view their spouse as a means to salvation or happiness. When people try to use their spouse to meet the needs that only God can fill, it puts undue pressure on that person. Prioritizing a relationship with God over marriage allows people to receive those things from the true source rather than trying to get them from a spouse and allows people to be the healthiest and best versions of themselves before entering a relationship. Additionally, the more like Jesus someone becomes, the more attractive they will be for their future spouse.

What practical steps can Christians take to grow in Christlikeness and prioritize their relationship with God? 

Christians can prioritize their relationship with God by committing to spiritual disciplines such as prayer, Bible study, fasting, and community with other believers. These practices provide a context for connecting with Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to work on their hearts, transforming their character from the inside out. This transformation affects not just their lives but also their minds, leading to a better understanding of God’s will and purpose for their lives. Whether single or married, this commitment should be the center of the Christian life. 


Connection Group Conversation Guide

Get-To-Know-You Question: If you could go back in time and take advantage of an opportunity you missed out on when you were younger, what would it be?

Review: Last Sunday’s message explored how singleness can make individuals feel "worlds apart" in the church, despite being a normal and valuable season of life. The sermon debunked three myths: that singleness is strange (1 Corinthians 7 affirms its unique opportunities), that it means loneliness (Christian community is for all), and that singles should focus primarily on finding a spouse (Christlikeness should be the number one goal for all of us).

Discuss: Have you ever felt "worlds apart" from a community you were a member of? What was that experience like, and how did you navigate it?

Discuss: Out of the three myths tackled in the message [1) Singleness is strange, 2) singleness means loneliness, and 3) if you don’t want to be single you should primarily focus on finding a spouse] which have you (at some point in the past) believed?

Read: Have someone read 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.  Discuss: How do you think Paul’s view of marriage and singleness is different from how you tend to view it?

For those married: On a practical level, what is something you could to become more supportive of singles in our church community?
For singles: What would it look like for you to press in further into community and friendship?

Discuss: Whether single or married, all of us are called to prioritize Jesus first in our lives and hearts. What spiritual disciplines are most important for you in fostering a closer relationship with Jesus?

Pray: Share prayer requests and close in prayer.